“Guys lust and girls long to be lusted after!” You may have heard this statement, but I think a more truthful saying is, “Guys lust, girls long to be lusted after—and girls lust!” Many Christian women, young and old alike, are struggling to live holy lives with regard to issues of sexuality.

Sexual sin among women often goes unconfessed and therefore un-repented because we do not have an open forum in which to discuss these very real struggles. Addressing the issue of sexual sin among women has become as difficult as addressing the issue of eating disorders among men. The idea of women lusting has been too remote on the Christian’s radar screen for far too long. Girls that I have talked to feel like they are walking around with fourteen eyes and three heads! They feel like a “fish out of water,” and are unable to broach the subject of lust and sexual sin because it is taboo.

Our culture (TV, books, movies, etc.) screams “SEX!” For women, I believe the struggles come along in a much more subtle way, much like a Venus flytrap. We trifle with certain things that will possibly or even ultimately lead to sexual sin, and then—SNAP!—we are caught in the trap! For example, when we watch TV shows that are openly promoting sexual promiscuity, our hearts become numb to the blatant sin, and we often cannot discern harmless entertainment from enticing entertainment. Knowing that our culture screams sex and we are sinners, isn’t it possible that these seemingly harmless forms of entertainment among women turn into full-on desires for sex, possibly leading to sexual sin? Could these desires themselves possibly be sexual sin? The sin is often disguised because the longing is more emotional than carnal. For example, watching a married couple making passionate love in a “chick flick” may seem justifiable when compared to a male’s struggle that may focus more on the actual act of sex.

We must search our hearts with honesty and ask, “What are my ‘darling sins’ regarding sex?” or, “What thing (thought, relationship, book, TV show, movie) am I clinging to in order to satisfy my desires and longings for sexual intimacy?”

Obviously, each person’s struggle with sexual sin looks different. The girls who have a new boyfriend every week or several “friends with benefits” are “targeted” much easier than girls who are enticing their sexual desires with TV shows, books and movies in the privacy of their own rooms. Also, our sinful nature (the same sin nature passed on through Adam to all mankind) is often enough to entice these sexual desires. The presence of R rated movies and sexually explicit TV shows may have never graced the eyes of some women. However, there is still the desire waging inside Christian women to be loved, to satisfy sexual longings, or to find identity in another human, and often we will do anything to satiate those desires. It is not often that you will hear a Christian girl say, “While watching MTV the other day, all I wanted to do was go and have sex!” But could it be that we are playing with a Venus flytrap when it comes to enticing ourselves unto sin with certain TV shows AND movies?

People who know me well know that I love reality TV. I’m not sure why I have become such a fan of these shows, and I must say that I have had to stop watching many of them because of the content. While watching “My Super Sweet 16” on MTV last week, I watched in shock as a sixteen-year-old girl declared her birthday party theme as “The Seven Deadly Sins.” The purpose of her (Alex’s) party was to have each of the seven deadly sins (lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy, pride) represented. As the party began, she shouted, “Let the sin begin!” Nothing would indicate that Alex is a Christian, neither in her words or in her behavior, so maybe it is not that big of a deal to watch a non-Christian shout, “Let the sin begin!” Or is it? How is it going to edify my walk with Christ to see someone have an enormous party with 300 teenagers exclaiming, “This is the best party ever!” I am happily married, but I found myself thinking, “It looks like the party was a lot of fun.”

What in the world would make me think that? Have you and I become so numb to the blatancy of sin all around us that we think a seven deadly sins party is an appropriate outlet for our coveting or jealousy? Sin is already so appealing and enticing: we do not need help making sin more appealing. Let’s consider instead what our hearts and minds need: to enjoy a deeper relationship with Christ. The watching of wild parties, sex scenes in movies and TV shows, and images of the world’s idea of beauty will not edify our hearts and minds nor spur us on to holiness.

In the next four articles, we will discuss how we, as Christian women, can seek to live in a culture that shouts at us to seek sex and beauty at all cost. We will discuss beauty, sexual promiscuity, body image, and our identity in Christ, and my prayer is that as we study these issues, you and I will fall more deeply in love with our Savior.

Casey Cockrum is Assistant Director of College & Young Adult Ministry at Independent Presbyterian Church in Memphis, Tennessee.